down the hatch...

Some time ago, I was speaking with a friend who had been a paramedic. And in the course of conversation, she mentioned that usually drunk drivers survive the car accidents they cause. The innocent folk they run into bear the brunt of injury. She had some intriguing ideas about why that might be, but basically, it is in general an accepted fact. So I had this idea...

We should introduce legislation mandating that in order to occupy a motor vehicle, one must be legally drunk.

Think of it. An immediate dramatic decrease in traffic-related deaths. The economy booms as alcoholic beverage sales go through the roof and the auto body industry increases significantly. The American farmer enjoys new demand for the grains from which to make the necessary whiskey and beer to keep America safe. Whole areas of government bureaucracy are eliminated as the ATF becomes merely the TF. And with a shift to pure ethyl alcohol for auto fuel, we could kill two birds with one stone, providing the liquor to lower traffic deaths while saving the environment by eliminating our dependence on foreign oil.

There are a few minor considerations. We will likely need to have some sort of subsidy so that even the economically disadvantaged can afford to get properly intoxicated. Also, the drinking age must be eliminated so that we can provide safety for all vehicular passengers. We must protect America's children.

I think it is clear that to save American lives, we need this legislation. Let's get America swerving in the right direction!